Sunday 23 September 2012

HOW TO LIVE HAPPILY IN FAMILY


The insistence on having things our way is the root cause of all strife and disharmony. Give up the insistence that whatever you say must be followed. For happiness and harmony in family life one should respect the elders and cultivate a habit of yielding to the demands of the younger ones.
King Yudhishthira, before proposing anything, used to listen to his younger brothers first. He used to say, ‘This seems to me to be the right thing to do though what you say is correct too.’ Then all of his brothers would say, ‘No. What you say is better.’ He would not try to impose his opinion on account of being elder.
In a family, when people are motivated by egotism, desires and selfishness, the atmosphere in the home becomes hellish. And when decisions are taken after giving due consideration to the well-being and interest of the entire family, the atmosphere in the family becomes heavenly. Happy are the ones who give up their ego.
‘My son doesn’t listen to me; and so is my daughter-in-law; both are lacking in virtues. His sister-in-law is shameless…..’ The sister-in-law is most likely having a good time. Why do you look sullen criticizing her? Why don’t you leave her alone?
When a person is criticizing another, his mind is full of negative thoughts. The negative thinking spoils his looks and also mind; and there is increase in the secretion of neuropeptides and other harmful liquids in his body which in turn increases the level of oxidized LDLOxidized LDL is a constituent ofCholesterol and it causes many diseases. At the root of every human being, irrespective of his nature, the same Supreme Self is present. There is calm water in the depth of an ocean. On the surface there are a variety of turbulent waves, bubbles, whirlpools and surf etc.
People say, ‘Everything is fine in all respects in my family, but my son is like this and that…,’ It is good if it is so. If the son is obedient and caring to the mother, she will develop deeper attachment to him and the same goes for the daughter in law. One should thank God that His grace has lessened the attachment. If things are going your way, if you are comfortable, thank God for His kindness. And if something is not going your way, if you have troubles, thank God for reducing attachment. So, you are benefited both ways! There is no need to worry or make complaints. If members of the family are nice to you, it is good, for you can devote more time to devotional practices and if they create problems, it is good, for it reduces attachment, sense of mine-ness and needless bother.
There was a family of 65 members living together and there were no conflicts in it. Swami Akhandananda asked the head of that family, “There are so many members living together; still there is no strife in the family. What is the reason?”
He said, “We have cultivated good traits in all members that the younger ones should respect the elders. If the elder one comes, the younger one is supposed to stand up, as a mark of respect; and receive blessings and good wishes from the elders. The younger brother’s wife should respect the elder brother’s wife; and in turn, if the younger brother’s wife commits some mistake then the elder brother’s wife should teach her with love and affection. All these traits have been cultivated through the Satsang of our Sadguru. So the younger ones do not feel humbled to respect elders and the elders do not feel proud of being respected.”
He added, “I eat after all 64 members have eaten. Everybody obeys me but I don’t expect or demand that they must obey me. I hear suggestions from all members before expressing my view for the good of all.”
Like King Yudhishthira used to listen to Arjuna, Bhima and other two brothers and then support the conclusion that was in conformity to scriptural ordinance. He would not let anyone feel small. He would say, ‘Your idea is good but what do you think about this idea?’ And all four brothers would say, “Yes! That’s better. You are right.”

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